but like what dad would always say to me, and i quote:
"life is always gonna be a pain in the ass bitch to you but you are the strongest component of our family. u'll pull through it. there's nothing to be scared of"
typical dad. always throwing comforting words at me. i know for a fact that he loves me more that anybody else in my family. hahaha. trust me, i know. because before i flew out to perth to pursue my oh-so-cool studies in total kiasuness and narcissistic nerdiness (dont mind the spelling.), we didnt really communicate much except for important father to daughter stuff. you know, stuff. but things started to lighten up ever since i flew overseas and started living here for the most part of the year. the person dad is now is way different from the kind of dad he used to be
the whole time when i was in primary school all the way to high school, dad would send me to and pick me up from school everyday and everyday in the car, there would just be this awkward silence between us which to me was almost deafening to the ears. it literally numbed my mind all the way down to my colon i kid you not. we wouldnt even utter a word unless him asking me about my exam results and that was all there was to chat about. we wouldnt normally talk about jibber jabber stuff. dad used to be a very serious person (geez, that explains a lot).
what am i getting at actually by telling you all this? you know when our prophet told us that the person worthy of our attention and love the most is our mom, he never said that we should just let our relationship with our dad wilt away. i think our dad too, deserves our love and attention once in a while. this hit me as i was growing into adulthood. somehow my eyes were forced open by the harsh reality i'm in right now that dad has done so many things for me and my siblings just to bring food to the table and put us all through school and college. i mean just looking at him now breaks my heart. how worn out and aged he looks now. all because of us.
my dad doesnt really smile. he doesnt have a smiling countenance unlike many of us do (that obviously doesnt include little old me). so that kind of sends off a message pretty much saying 'dont bother me, im too tired for your crap' aint it? that's what i used to think whenever i looked at him. hell, i didnt even have the guts to look at him straight in the face because dad had always looked so stern and fierrrce. somehow or other, there was an accidental barrier formed between us and that barrier had affected me deeply all these years. i was growing up, missing out on all those father to daughter moments that my friends had had and all i could do was nod and smile as they went on and on about how cool their dads were and there i was, unable to exchange a single story about how awesome i wish my dad was.
but that was yesterday. today, he's my pillar of strength. unlike mom, he'd always go easy on me now, hell, i feel a lot more comfortable talking about stuff with him than mom because all mom ever does is point out the errors in my ways whilst dad, he would joke about my mistakes, turning things around for the better.
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| i know, i take after him. |
God knows how much i miss having him around. and God knows how much i resemble every little molecule in his body. i am truly, hands down, my dad's daughter. aint that a comforting thought. ;)
ps- i write better than i speak. and for you bitches who stabbed me in my back, kiss my ass and go staright to hell. im a bitch with an attitude to match for.
if mom ever reads this, ill be damned.
