salam.
remember in my first post, i wrote that from that point onwards i wanted to exhibit only positivity in my entries, each and everyone of them?
however of late, i have been beset, from every periphery, and now, i am all crunched down. it's as if the world is waging war against me.
i never thought that casual conversations could afflict so many hearts and truth be told, i never meant any of the hurt i've caused.
no matter what i say, everything comes out wrong. the person on the other end always gets hurt.
i remember back then when i was all quiet and reserved. nobody dared to even step into my little bubble and strike a conversation with me, life was peaceful back then and i was happy in my own world. the bitter part was becoming increasingly palpable as i attempted to break free from my safety zone and started to trust people , little by little.
i tried to be positive and upbeat but the world did not understand what i was saying; my words, my actions and the reasons behind them.
have they ever thought that maybe, just maybe i was just simply trying to break the ice and just joke around? maybe she didnt know what better way to have said what she'd wanted to say?
bila aku senyap, kamu complain saya terlalu senyap, asyik senyum je.
bila aku x senyum kamu complain, muka aku masam gila, macam nak makan orang.
bila aku da cakap, kamu complain aku banyak cakap, bising, memekak, menyakitkan hati.
apa yang kamu nak sebenarnya?
sure, i can live without taking heed to any of these but do you have any idea how hard it has been for me to just get by everyday trying my hardest to forget all that you've said about me? i am not like our prophet, no, not that strong.
have mercy.
i apologise, from the very core of my soul, i dont mean to hurt anyone with my words.
i admit, i do have a disposition to think and act negatively but would it hurt to be a little bit understanding with my defects? i am human.
it's a sad world and i am inevitably feeling hopeless with the lot of you, people
i am not here to pick a bone with anyone.
"oh ALLAH, Possessor of Majesty, Magnificence,and Might, let comfort take the place of sorrow, make happiness come after sadness, and let safety take the place of fear. amiin."
